You can help girls stop comparing themselves to others.
Your best tools are your own inner work and your modeling.
Here's a simple practice:
- Notice when you are comparing yourself to others. Tune into this throughout each day.
- Interrupt it when it happens, kindly but firmly.
- Embrace that part of yourself with tenderness.
- Replace the comparing thought with a positive belief.
Let me unpack each of these steps for you.
1. Noticing when you compare
We all compare ourselves to others! For you, is it:
- Breasts or other aspects of your body?
- Clothing, make up?
- Job or money?
- Children?
- How "natural" you are?
- How feminist you are?
Knowing your special comparison topics will help you tune in with more consistency.
And now your task is simply to tune in and notice when you compare yourself to another.
Art by John Wesley
2. Interrupting
When you find yourself comparing, simply pause and breathe.
There, you've interrupted it! This is an accomplishment!
It's important to be kind to yourself as you do so. Do not beat yourself up. You are doing work that requires energy, effort, determination, and courage. Bathe yourself in compassion.
Self-Compassion by Lisa Rough
3. Tenderly Embracing
You can come back to this step later if you're in the middle of something.
To tenderly embrace the part of you that is generating the comparison, you first need to connect with her. At first, this may take a little time.
Focus gently on the emotion behind the thought. Then, in your mind's eye, "go back in time" as far as you can until you find a memory or association holding that same emotion.
Tree of Becoming by Lucy Pierce
You may be a babe, a child, a teen or an adult. What's happening?
And most importantly, what does she need in the moment? Offer that to her, and spend some time doing so. Notice how she responds, how you respond, emotionally and in the body. This is healing and wholing.
4. Replacing with a Positive Belief
What positive beliefs might you substitute for your thoughts of comparison? Try these, or adapt them, or create your own:
- I am enough
- I am a unique, divine and amazing human being
- I don't want to be anyone but myself.
- My journey is toward my truest, deepest self.
- I love and embrace my whole self, warts and all
- I will treat myself with kindness and compassion.
- Every day, I become more and more whole and healed.
One way to choose your positive beliefs is to consider which beliefs you'd love to have the girls in your life embrace.
Of those, choose for yourself the ones that resonate emotionally or energetically for you.
Photo by Jodi Nemeth Photography
Again, dear reader, if you want to help girls stop comparing themselves to others, your best tools are your own inner work and your modeling. Try this practice and see what positive changes unfold for you and for the girls in your life.
Please share your questions and ideas.
And let us know how it goes!